Around and Around and Around...

Over the past several months I have been feeling restricted. It's been a struggle. I get frustrated because I feel like my relationship with God isn't moving. It's as though I'm on a path that keeps going around in circles. When it seems like maybe I've gotten away from a certain mindset or issue, it just comes back again. This has frustrated me beyond what I feel I can handle sometimes. I know that God has changed my heart over the years, and I am not the same person I was 5 years ago. But that feeling of still being in the same ruts is wearisome. Over this past weekend I went away on a retreat. There were many things I could talk about that went through my mind, but there is one thing that particularly pertains to this. During one of the talks, it was brought up that Satan uses the same tactic over and over again to take us off the path God has for us. He doesn't change it up at all. In fact when he tempted Jesus in the desert, Satan used the same scheme. And when Jesus wouldn't give in, the Bible says Satan "left Him until an opportune time", meaning he would be coming back to tempt Jesus again. That struck me. I had never thought of that before. Is this why I feel like I am going in circles all the time? A picture was drawn of an arrow in a straight line that represents God's destiny for us. Then little arrows were draw off of the big arrow at different intervals. The small arrows were Satan's attempts to get us off the path God has for us. Maybe instead of going in circles, I just keep falling for that same scheme that is thrown at me. It still seems just as depressing though. At this point, shouldn't I be able to recognize when I'm heading for that bunny trail and prevent myself from feeling like I have to start over again. Each time it's happened my desire for control over that certain area grows. I didn't even realize it until now. Me going off on those trails has made my heart be less and less willing to trust God in everything. My heart belongs to God, or at least most of it. I have to come to terms with giving it all up and trusting in Him completely. I want to, but I don't want to. I'm terrified and immensely scared of what will happen, but I know that if I don't His plan for me will never fully come to pass. He's waiting for me to give it all up. I don't know how because I've held on to it for so long, but I've decided I will find out how. I don't want to be restricted any more. I want out of this feeling forever. I want Him to be enough for me, to be my best friend, and I want to be in His will completely...even if it is terrifying at first.

Comebacks

http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/10/comebacks/

This is really interesting. I know that's not describing it very well, but read what he has to say and I bet you'll think a similar thing as well. =D

Change

Pulling...
Stretching...
Like a rubber band,
Being pulled and maneuvered.
Ideas shifting,
Thoughts being thought differently,
It hurts
But I know it will be worth it in the end

Big Impact

It's hard for me to put into words what I thought when I saw this. All I could think of was "wow". So challenging and inspiring.

Hallelujah (Light has Come)

Beautiful song

Hmmm...

I know I haven't posted in a loooooong time, but it's because I've been thinking a lot and pondering so many things. Everything hasn't come together yet, but I know it will. And when it does, I'll let you know what I've been thinking. =D

-_-

I'm so frustrated with life lately. *sigh

anti depression vdeo

If you thought the laughing baby was funny, you'll enjoy this. Best video ever!

Huh?

I was sitting in class today, when one of the girls in my class started sharing a story about a nightmare she had last night; it was about the engagement ring she has been hoping to get. In her dream, her boyfriend had given her a small diamond ring (like the size of a stud earring) that she said had a red ring around the diamond. She laughed about it and then said, "but seriously, if he gives me that small a ring in real life, I will say no". I turned to her and said "really?!" She went on to explain that she was dead serious and that she wouldn't accept anything less than a 2 karat, princess cut, in a white gold band ring. This is not the first time I've heard a girl say this, but none of them, until now, have been so specific about what they will accept. What has happened to the world? Is love no longer important to get married, but the type of ring will decide whether you decide to marry someone? That is sickening to me.

Unexpected Word

I have been meaning to write about this for some time, but something has seemed to come up, or I couldn't come up with the right words to write this.

One Tuesday night, a man with the gift of prophecy came to Christ Community to talk. He is also a musician. It was amazing. I could tell the Lord was there when he first started worship; you just could feel His presence. This man's wife sang and his son played electric guitar with him. His son is a very talented guitar player. There was no sheet music he was following; he was just free styling it as his Dad played the melody. It was so beautiful and wonderful to hear them.

After the music and him teaching on being caught in the middle, he said if anyone wanted prayer they should come up to the front and he would pray over you. At first I wasn't sure if that meant we were all supposed to go up or only some people. After thinking about it for a second I decided I wanted to go up, but I was a little scared to (for silly reasons). It was partly cause I wasn't sure I would like what I would hear, but my curiosity won over my fear. I wanted to know he would say to me.

It took a really long time for the guy to pray for everyone. I was right around the end, so I had time to prepare for what might be said to me. I was hoping it would be something profound, something about my future or certain desires and the timing of their fulfillment. In actuality, it was about the complete opposite of that. The whole thing was recorded, but I did not get a CD, so what I have to share is what I wrote down right after I was prayed for. So here is the basic gist of what was said: (I wish I could show you how my notes are for this cause they are all over, but I'm organizing it for you. =D)

"Back in the Bible days Israel used these huge, like 40,000 tons, stones to make the foundations of the temples. They would move them into place and hand chisel the pillars. You have these big blocks for a foundation. The blocks for the foundation are moving, but they move slowly. Wait and be patient. It takes time; they're not just something you can pick up and move quickly even though you may want that to happen. The foundation is being moved so that something strong can be built on it. Talk to God and share your heart with Him; spend time with Him. PATIENCE!"

When I heard I had to be patient, I sighed and gave a little chuckle. It was frustrating and encouraging all at the same time. Frustrating because I wanted so badly to know something really important and be enlightened about where my life was going; and that is not what I was told. But encouraged because it clarified something I've struggled with about myself. Often times I wonder if God is changing me in any way. A lot of my friends will be able to point out exactly what God is doing in their lives all the time. It has seemed like God is always working in other peoples lives, but it hasn't really appeared like God is doing anything in mine. There are a couple times where that hasn't been the case, but for the most part I feel like I progress really slowly in my relationship with God compared to others. Now it makes sense, kind of. It has helped me to understand why I feel like that, but not why I have been chosen to have my life work that way. SO frustration and some encouragement. And because I have that innate desire to know everything, it makes sense why I would be told to be patient. *sigh -_- lol!