So I love talking about the end times. It gets me all excited to know what God is going to do and how He is going to provide, and righteously angry when I hear people say they don't believe we'll be here during the tribulation. For a while I've gone back and forth about whether to post about this frustration, and I've decided I need to say something.
The Bible clearly says we will be raptured after the 7th trumpet. The trumpets come after the seals, and the first seal won't be opened til the Antichrist says he or she is god (Rev 5). There are promises given to the followers of Christ about the provision He will have for His children. Revelations is a book that tells us exactly what is going to happen and it even gives time spans once the Tribulation starts. The only thing we don't know is when the Antichrist will make him/herself known. But once s/he does, we know the exact timeline of what will happen BECAUSE REVELATIONS TELLS US!
Regardless of whether you think I am correct in my thinking or not, is not the point. I don't care if you think I'm wrong. What I do care about is people's attitudes about when they think we will be raptured. The world has seemed to forgotten that Jesus is coming back and we need to be prepared for that. I think it is a dangerous thing to expect to not live through Tribulation, and so you don't study or prepare yourself. IS IT NOT BETTER TO EXPECT WE WILL BE HERE FOR THE TRIBULATION AND TO PREPARE FOR IT, THEN IF JESUS COMES BEFORE YOU ARE PLEASANTLY SURPRISED, THAN TO NOT PREPARE AT ALL AND REALIZE TOO LATE THAT YOU'RE IN IT AND BE DISAPPOINTED WITH GOD BECAUSE HE DIDN'T TAKE YOU AHEAD OF TIME?! The Bible says many will turn away from Him during the Tribulation because of bitterness and anger about what God is doing, and to be honest I think a lot of those people that turn away will be the ones who expected to be raptured before the Tribulation and are angry that they're here.
Whether we leave before the Tribulation or not, I call out to all who follow Christ to be prepared for the Tribulation. If you expect to be here then, there won't be any disappointment and you'll know what's going to happen and when. Grow in your relationship with God; be secure in Him and study His word. We are heading toward the end. The temple that will be destroyed by the Antichrist is in the workings to be built. It may not happen for 50 years, but it's coming. Once that temple is built, it's only a matter of time.
BE PREPARED!!!!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Our Connection to God
When I wrote the post Revelation I mentioned how I would post something about the rest of what was revealed to us that night about God and His love. Well, here it is.
God gives us relationships and experiences to help us understand His love and draw closer in intimacy to Him. Fathers are there to show us the fatherly side of God; brothers and sisters to show us the family side; best friends and friends in general to show us His comradeship with us; significant others (boyfriend/girlfriend) to show us the lover that He is; spouses to show us the bridegroom that He is and the way He loves the church as a whole and individually as a husband to it. God is like a huge water tank with millions of line/pipes coming out of it. We have one large pipe that connects us directly to Him when He becomes our Savior. As life with Him progresses, our experiences with relationships add lines from us to God. Until we have each relationship experience (in the way God intended them), we won't truly understand and be connected to God in that way. You won't truly know the lover Jesus is until you have a lover. We can theorize and understand the concept, but we won't truly understand and connect with Him that way until we have that godly relationship with a physical person. That is why God created marriage and families, so that we could understand Him more and be way more intimate with Him than if we were single our whole lives. So as we go through life, we not only gain lines toward God, but we help build lines for others. You may not be the person that connects someone's line to God, but you will be part of the process in getting their pipe to reach the water tank. We have control over how much outpouring of God we allow in our lives. There is a valve on our lines/pipes that only we can turn on. We can turn it off to keep God from our lives or we can open it just enough for a slow drip. Or we can have a continuous steady flow of God's living water in our lives all the time. You get to decide, He won't force you to want the water of life. Satan will try to stop the flow by putting objects in the lines or cutting off your lines somehow. When that happens, you need to locate where the problem is and remove it. It could be an act of sin, or trial that helps us to grow, in either thing we must overcome so that the water of life keeps flowing and overflowing.
The part about relationships really changed my thinking. Before, always wanted...desired to be married out of fear of being alone. But now I desire to be married so that I can be closer to God and understand Him more. I want to know the true lover Jesus is.
God gives us relationships and experiences to help us understand His love and draw closer in intimacy to Him. Fathers are there to show us the fatherly side of God; brothers and sisters to show us the family side; best friends and friends in general to show us His comradeship with us; significant others (boyfriend/girlfriend) to show us the lover that He is; spouses to show us the bridegroom that He is and the way He loves the church as a whole and individually as a husband to it. God is like a huge water tank with millions of line/pipes coming out of it. We have one large pipe that connects us directly to Him when He becomes our Savior. As life with Him progresses, our experiences with relationships add lines from us to God. Until we have each relationship experience (in the way God intended them), we won't truly understand and be connected to God in that way. You won't truly know the lover Jesus is until you have a lover. We can theorize and understand the concept, but we won't truly understand and connect with Him that way until we have that godly relationship with a physical person. That is why God created marriage and families, so that we could understand Him more and be way more intimate with Him than if we were single our whole lives. So as we go through life, we not only gain lines toward God, but we help build lines for others. You may not be the person that connects someone's line to God, but you will be part of the process in getting their pipe to reach the water tank. We have control over how much outpouring of God we allow in our lives. There is a valve on our lines/pipes that only we can turn on. We can turn it off to keep God from our lives or we can open it just enough for a slow drip. Or we can have a continuous steady flow of God's living water in our lives all the time. You get to decide, He won't force you to want the water of life. Satan will try to stop the flow by putting objects in the lines or cutting off your lines somehow. When that happens, you need to locate where the problem is and remove it. It could be an act of sin, or trial that helps us to grow, in either thing we must overcome so that the water of life keeps flowing and overflowing.
The part about relationships really changed my thinking. Before, always wanted...desired to be married out of fear of being alone. But now I desire to be married so that I can be closer to God and understand Him more. I want to know the true lover Jesus is.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Thursday Nights is Where its At
God has shown up so much every Thursday night Heather and I meet up to study Revelations. This past Thursday was incredible; we did something neither of us has done before. But I'll talk about that later. It's funny, even though we're (supposed) to be studying Revelations, which we do, we always end up reading/ studying something else than Revelations every time. We pretty much let God have the reigns and take us wherever He wants to show us whatever He wants us to see.
This past Thursday Heather brought up Psalm 45. There's a key word in verse 12 that puts a certain picture or definition in our minds.
"And the daughter of Tyre will come with a gift; the rich among the people will seek your favor."
When someone tells you to seek something, what action comes to mind? Or how do you think you should act? When someone tells me that I need to seek for something I have always felt that I need to strive to find that something. That somehow it's hiding and I need to seek it out. (See how I used the word? ;-]) Well guess what, God showed us the real meaning of seeking. Psalm 45:12 reminded us of Jeremiah 29:13 - "And you seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart". After looking up the definition of the Hebrew word seek, we found something interesting. Seek doesn't mean to look for and find. The literal translation of seek is "to make oneself sick with longing for Him". This translation is from the Greek and Hebrew. So when Jeremiah says that when we seek God we will find Him, he doesn't mean to go looking for God. Jesus is right in front of you and all around you. He is ever present and literally right in front of your face. So when we are told to seek God and we will find Him, we're being told to make ourselves sick with desire for Him; to long for Him with every fiber of our being and nothing less than everything, and we will find Him. It's voluntary love. He's not hiding, our eyes and heart are just under a veil so we can't see. As we draw closer to Him and grow in our relationship with Him, He reveals more and more of Himself to us; He takes the cover off our eyes so that we may see more of who He is. His wanting us to desire Him goes back to things I talked about in my post Revelations. Seek after the Lord, desire Him with everything in you and He will show Himself to you.
Another thing we talked about was the Seraphim talked about in Revelations 4. The Seraphim are the highest ranking angels in heaven. Just a one verse in this chapter reveal so much about the four Seraphim in Heaven and how they show a true example of seeking God. Verse 8 in chapter 4 says, "The four living creatures (the Seraphim), each having six wings were full of eyes around and within. And they do not rest day or night, saying: Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!'". First I want to point out how it says these angels are covered with eyes "around and within". It's hard to picture, but what an image it brings. The Seraphim have millions of eyes and they always see a different side of God. Second thing I wanted to point out is how the Bible says they don't rest day or night. Why would that be written unless they have the choice to rest? Unless they have the choice to leave God's throne? They are the highest ranking angels in Heaven, I have a feeling they can go pretty much wherever they want. But they don't. The Seraphim, highest honored angels, constantly sit at the feet of God worshiping Him. Their love for God is voluntary and incredibly strong. They desire to be near God so much, and just want to be in His presence that they forgo rest. They give their all to Him. A true example of how to seek.
So as we're sitting in God's evident presence we decide to go out to Wal-mart and pray for people. Even though we were both excited to go and see God move, we both had quite a bit of fear about the idea. Before we went, we spent time in prayer rebuking fear and apprehension and asking God for boldness. We had no idea what God would have in store for us that night. Our time studying God's word and truth had been so fruitful we weren't sure what else could and would happen. On the way we prayed as well, asking God if there was a particular person we needed to find and talk to. God let us know there was a particular girl we needed to talk to and so we walked into Wal-mart on a mission for God. The first lady we asked about whether she would like prayer or not was very short. She said no and walked away. Surprising unhindered by the rejection we had just received, praise the Lord, we moved on. And then we saw her. A young twenty-something aged girl doing her job. We ended up talking with her for about a half hour, just encouraging her and letting her know that God saw her and cares for her more than she can imagine. It was such a blessing to talk with this girl and share with her. Turns out she is a Christian who had a difficult day and was feeling rather discouraged. It was so amazing. God is awesome. =D
After going to the parking lot to leave, God showed up even more so in good ole Vivian (my car) than He had earlier in the night. We literally sat in the parking lot worshiping God and praying for people passing by the car for around an hour, or possibly longer. It may have looked crazy to outsiders, but we didn't care. It was so amazing to just be in His presence.
This past Thursday Heather brought up Psalm 45. There's a key word in verse 12 that puts a certain picture or definition in our minds.
"And the daughter of Tyre will come with a gift; the rich among the people will seek your favor."
When someone tells you to seek something, what action comes to mind? Or how do you think you should act? When someone tells me that I need to seek for something I have always felt that I need to strive to find that something. That somehow it's hiding and I need to seek it out. (See how I used the word? ;-]) Well guess what, God showed us the real meaning of seeking. Psalm 45:12 reminded us of Jeremiah 29:13 - "And you seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart". After looking up the definition of the Hebrew word seek, we found something interesting. Seek doesn't mean to look for and find. The literal translation of seek is "to make oneself sick with longing for Him". This translation is from the Greek and Hebrew. So when Jeremiah says that when we seek God we will find Him, he doesn't mean to go looking for God. Jesus is right in front of you and all around you. He is ever present and literally right in front of your face. So when we are told to seek God and we will find Him, we're being told to make ourselves sick with desire for Him; to long for Him with every fiber of our being and nothing less than everything, and we will find Him. It's voluntary love. He's not hiding, our eyes and heart are just under a veil so we can't see. As we draw closer to Him and grow in our relationship with Him, He reveals more and more of Himself to us; He takes the cover off our eyes so that we may see more of who He is. His wanting us to desire Him goes back to things I talked about in my post Revelations. Seek after the Lord, desire Him with everything in you and He will show Himself to you.
Another thing we talked about was the Seraphim talked about in Revelations 4. The Seraphim are the highest ranking angels in heaven. Just a one verse in this chapter reveal so much about the four Seraphim in Heaven and how they show a true example of seeking God. Verse 8 in chapter 4 says, "The four living creatures (the Seraphim), each having six wings were full of eyes around and within. And they do not rest day or night, saying: Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!'". First I want to point out how it says these angels are covered with eyes "around and within". It's hard to picture, but what an image it brings. The Seraphim have millions of eyes and they always see a different side of God. Second thing I wanted to point out is how the Bible says they don't rest day or night. Why would that be written unless they have the choice to rest? Unless they have the choice to leave God's throne? They are the highest ranking angels in Heaven, I have a feeling they can go pretty much wherever they want. But they don't. The Seraphim, highest honored angels, constantly sit at the feet of God worshiping Him. Their love for God is voluntary and incredibly strong. They desire to be near God so much, and just want to be in His presence that they forgo rest. They give their all to Him. A true example of how to seek.
So as we're sitting in God's evident presence we decide to go out to Wal-mart and pray for people. Even though we were both excited to go and see God move, we both had quite a bit of fear about the idea. Before we went, we spent time in prayer rebuking fear and apprehension and asking God for boldness. We had no idea what God would have in store for us that night. Our time studying God's word and truth had been so fruitful we weren't sure what else could and would happen. On the way we prayed as well, asking God if there was a particular person we needed to find and talk to. God let us know there was a particular girl we needed to talk to and so we walked into Wal-mart on a mission for God. The first lady we asked about whether she would like prayer or not was very short. She said no and walked away. Surprising unhindered by the rejection we had just received, praise the Lord, we moved on. And then we saw her. A young twenty-something aged girl doing her job. We ended up talking with her for about a half hour, just encouraging her and letting her know that God saw her and cares for her more than she can imagine. It was such a blessing to talk with this girl and share with her. Turns out she is a Christian who had a difficult day and was feeling rather discouraged. It was so amazing. God is awesome. =D
After going to the parking lot to leave, God showed up even more so in good ole Vivian (my car) than He had earlier in the night. We literally sat in the parking lot worshiping God and praying for people passing by the car for around an hour, or possibly longer. It may have looked crazy to outsiders, but we didn't care. It was so amazing to just be in His presence.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Revelation
Last night my friend Heather and I were supposed to study chapter one of Revelations. I say "supposed to" because we only read as far as verse 9 and we only went in-depth as far as verse 5. Haha! God had other plans and we just went with it, and I am so glad we did. God totally showed up and revealed so much of Himself and His desire to us. It all started at verse 1 with the word revelation.
In the Merriam-Webster dictionary, revelation means an act of revealing or communicating divine truth. In a Bible dictionary Heather had, its definition was laying bear, making naked. Jesus wants to reveal Himself to us; everything about Him; where He's going and what He's doing. He is not ashamed and has no flaws, so He stands before us completely naked revealing everything about Himself in character, desires, and just who He is.
Now what we discovered last night may have a lot of you thinking we're crazy and out of our minds. You may ask how can we believe such things, but I tell you it was ALL of the Lord. As we were talking and God was revealing things to us, we didn't know how we were coming to the conclusions we had and yet everything made sense. It was obvious God was there directing our thoughts and words and prayers; the room was intensely hot with His presence. So let me shock you for a sec - there is no plan.
What does that mean? It means there's no plan; no a,b,c,d to follow. Christians tend to stress that we need to follow the plan God has for us. In our minds a plan means you go from point a to point b and so on. We have this view that there's this twisty tiny path to walk on with no leeway on either side. But guess what? THERE IS NO PLAN!!!!! So many times God asks you what you want to do. Yes, there are times in life where He will tell you you need to do such-and-such. But for the majority of the time, He is not concerned about what you do. Heather described it well. Life is a playground with God. There are boundaries (His commandments and laws) that we need to stay within to protect us from harm, but there is an immense amount of space that we have the freedom to move around however we want. Each persons playground is different because our desires and needs are different. Don't think of a playground as a small park that you take kids to. No, think of it as an enormous field where God has placed every toy you could ever want. And HE JUST WANTS TO PLAY WITH YOU. If you want to go on the seesaw, go on the seesaw. If you want to slide, go on the slide. Swing if that's what you want to do. He just wants to be with you in everything. God is lovesick over you and just wants to be close to you.
We don't have a plan, but we do have a mission and a purpose.Our mission and purpose in life is to LOVE AND BE LOVED. The greatest commandment - "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength" - is the first part of our mission and purpose. Without His love we cannot love others. And the second greatest commandment - "Love your neighbor as yourself' - is the second part of our mission and purpose. All He wants us to do is love Him, grow closer to Him, glorify Him in everything, and receive the love He has for us. What freedom we have in this. Bloom where you are, play with Him, and enjoy His love.
Our humanly idea of what a plan is generates a fear of what happens when we step off the narrow path.Well since we no longer have to worry about the visual of a twisty narrow path, the fear of what happens when you step off the narrow lane changes as well. Psalm 89:14 says that the foundation of God's throne is righteousness and justice. We focus so much on the justice that we forget the righteousness. And here comes the second biggest revelation of the night - THE JUDGMENT IS NOT NOW! We are not supposed to pray for judgment until the Tribulation begins. There is no judgment now; God has no judgment for us now. Yes He does have anger, but He is slow to anger and it only lasts a moment before His love for us takes over. Anger is different than judgment, though. Right now is His righteousness and love, which will never end but doesn't include judgment yet. We have this view that if we stumble or take one step out of His boundaries that God will and does condemn and judge us. But God has no condemnation for us. We expect judgment and condemnation therefore we see it in everything. If you expect judgment, you will see judgment in everything and you will judge yourself. If you expect condemnation, you see condemnation in everything and condemn yourself. If you expect to be compared to others, you see everything as a comparison to you and you will compare yourself to everything. So it stands to reason that if you expect love, not only will you receive love abounding but you will see love in everything, you will give love to others, and you will love yourself. Brothers and sister I adjure you to have high expectations of love and mercy and grace from your Heavenly Father. In truth that's what He has for you, so expect it. Expect great things and do not let the fear of disappointment stand in your way.
God does not push us to come back to Him if we take a step out of His boundary. Instead, He is crying over us. He sees the harm we put ourselves into and because He loves us so much, He hates to see us hurt by the devil. So He reaches out His hand to us, yearning for us to come back to Him to love and safety. We make the decision to stay with God or leave His safety. We decide how far our relationship with Him goes. He has ultimate power and can make us do anything He wants, but He doesn't. He wants us to chose to love Him and desire to be with Him and grow in Him. He loves us so much and if He forces us to love Him and be with Him, it's no longer true love; it's manipulation. God seeks to love, not manipulate. That's why we have free will. Walk in the freedom of Christ knowing your purpose and mission in life. Run after Him because He wants you!
There are so many other things that were revealed to us about God's love last night. So many incredible things. I would write it all down here, but this post is long. Ask God to reveal Himself to you and He will because I know He wants to be closer to you.
In the Merriam-Webster dictionary, revelation means an act of revealing or communicating divine truth. In a Bible dictionary Heather had, its definition was laying bear, making naked. Jesus wants to reveal Himself to us; everything about Him; where He's going and what He's doing. He is not ashamed and has no flaws, so He stands before us completely naked revealing everything about Himself in character, desires, and just who He is.
Now what we discovered last night may have a lot of you thinking we're crazy and out of our minds. You may ask how can we believe such things, but I tell you it was ALL of the Lord. As we were talking and God was revealing things to us, we didn't know how we were coming to the conclusions we had and yet everything made sense. It was obvious God was there directing our thoughts and words and prayers; the room was intensely hot with His presence. So let me shock you for a sec - there is no plan.
What does that mean? It means there's no plan; no a,b,c,d to follow. Christians tend to stress that we need to follow the plan God has for us. In our minds a plan means you go from point a to point b and so on. We have this view that there's this twisty tiny path to walk on with no leeway on either side. But guess what? THERE IS NO PLAN!!!!! So many times God asks you what you want to do. Yes, there are times in life where He will tell you you need to do such-and-such. But for the majority of the time, He is not concerned about what you do. Heather described it well. Life is a playground with God. There are boundaries (His commandments and laws) that we need to stay within to protect us from harm, but there is an immense amount of space that we have the freedom to move around however we want. Each persons playground is different because our desires and needs are different. Don't think of a playground as a small park that you take kids to. No, think of it as an enormous field where God has placed every toy you could ever want. And HE JUST WANTS TO PLAY WITH YOU. If you want to go on the seesaw, go on the seesaw. If you want to slide, go on the slide. Swing if that's what you want to do. He just wants to be with you in everything. God is lovesick over you and just wants to be close to you.
We don't have a plan, but we do have a mission and a purpose.Our mission and purpose in life is to LOVE AND BE LOVED. The greatest commandment - "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength" - is the first part of our mission and purpose. Without His love we cannot love others. And the second greatest commandment - "Love your neighbor as yourself' - is the second part of our mission and purpose. All He wants us to do is love Him, grow closer to Him, glorify Him in everything, and receive the love He has for us. What freedom we have in this. Bloom where you are, play with Him, and enjoy His love.
Our humanly idea of what a plan is generates a fear of what happens when we step off the narrow path.Well since we no longer have to worry about the visual of a twisty narrow path, the fear of what happens when you step off the narrow lane changes as well. Psalm 89:14 says that the foundation of God's throne is righteousness and justice. We focus so much on the justice that we forget the righteousness. And here comes the second biggest revelation of the night - THE JUDGMENT IS NOT NOW! We are not supposed to pray for judgment until the Tribulation begins. There is no judgment now; God has no judgment for us now. Yes He does have anger, but He is slow to anger and it only lasts a moment before His love for us takes over. Anger is different than judgment, though. Right now is His righteousness and love, which will never end but doesn't include judgment yet. We have this view that if we stumble or take one step out of His boundaries that God will and does condemn and judge us. But God has no condemnation for us. We expect judgment and condemnation therefore we see it in everything. If you expect judgment, you will see judgment in everything and you will judge yourself. If you expect condemnation, you see condemnation in everything and condemn yourself. If you expect to be compared to others, you see everything as a comparison to you and you will compare yourself to everything. So it stands to reason that if you expect love, not only will you receive love abounding but you will see love in everything, you will give love to others, and you will love yourself. Brothers and sister I adjure you to have high expectations of love and mercy and grace from your Heavenly Father. In truth that's what He has for you, so expect it. Expect great things and do not let the fear of disappointment stand in your way.
God does not push us to come back to Him if we take a step out of His boundary. Instead, He is crying over us. He sees the harm we put ourselves into and because He loves us so much, He hates to see us hurt by the devil. So He reaches out His hand to us, yearning for us to come back to Him to love and safety. We make the decision to stay with God or leave His safety. We decide how far our relationship with Him goes. He has ultimate power and can make us do anything He wants, but He doesn't. He wants us to chose to love Him and desire to be with Him and grow in Him. He loves us so much and if He forces us to love Him and be with Him, it's no longer true love; it's manipulation. God seeks to love, not manipulate. That's why we have free will. Walk in the freedom of Christ knowing your purpose and mission in life. Run after Him because He wants you!
There are so many other things that were revealed to us about God's love last night. So many incredible things. I would write it all down here, but this post is long. Ask God to reveal Himself to you and He will because I know He wants to be closer to you.
Friday, May 14, 2010
The End
This is my last weekend on a college campus. I will miss this. The massive amounts of people only seconds away. The ability to meet up with friends on the spur of the moment. College at Brockport, you will be missed by this girl. However, I will not miss the homework or having to sit through a class you can't stand. Lol! Out of everything I'll miss, the companionship of friends is number one. Many days I have spent trying to prepare my myself for the inevitable end of college. That day is tomorrow. I'm excited/scared/sad all at the same time. Last year when I went to graduation, I wasn't able to make it all the way back to my room before crying. Don't ask why it was so emotional, I don't even know. Haha! But it was. So I wonder, how will I react when I walk onto that stage and receive my blank piece of paper? Will I be able to hold in my emotions long enough til I'm at least away from everyone? Will I break down during graduation? (I really hope not) Will I not shed one tear? It's amazing to me that I've made it this far in life. In sixth grade I was so worried I wouldn't even be able to pass middle school, so how on earth was I going to pass college. But here I am - a college graduate. I've finished every assignment, and now I'm just packing and waiting for tomorrow. It's a little surreal at the moment, that tomorrow is graduation. Yesterday it didn't seem that way, but today it does. I've never thought any farther ahead than this my entire life. Oh boy. This is it. The end of the chapter. The door for life and the real world. Lord, help me get through this, I gonna need it.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
New Hair?
Here's a short conversation I had with one of my male students yesterday.
T: I like your hair.
Me: Thanks. I let it go natural today, so that's why it's curly. (Most of the time I'll have my hair up or straightened when I go to placement. Makes it easier.)
T: No, I know you got a new one put in.
Me: (Thinking for a second to figure out what he means. Light bulb goes off) No, this is my hair.
T: No it's not. I know you got some new hair. It's different than last week.
Me: (I thought about explaining it to him, but decided not; instead I laughed) Well thank you.
Oh children, how I love them. :)
T: I like your hair.
Me: Thanks. I let it go natural today, so that's why it's curly. (Most of the time I'll have my hair up or straightened when I go to placement. Makes it easier.)
T: No, I know you got a new one put in.
Me: (Thinking for a second to figure out what he means. Light bulb goes off) No, this is my hair.
T: No it's not. I know you got some new hair. It's different than last week.
Me: (I thought about explaining it to him, but decided not; instead I laughed) Well thank you.
Oh children, how I love them. :)
Friday, March 26, 2010
Colorblindness
This past week during my placement, I had an interesting conversation with one of my students. I don't remember a lot from our conversation, but there is something in particular that struck me. She had colorblindness. Now I don't mean this in the sense that she couldn't see colors, not at all. She is colorblind in the sense of skin color. While I am white, she is black. One day she came up to me and called me 'That's so Raven'. So I asked her if I looked like Raven. Her first response was yes, but then she thought about it for a second and said that I looked like Hannah Montana instead. Here is a little look at how parts of the conversation went.
Me: I don't look like Raven cause I'm too white, right?
T: No, but Raven is black.
Me: But that means I'm too white.
T: No.
Me: What are some differences between me and Raven?
(several differences were given)
T: Your hair is different.
Me: How is my hair different?
T: Well Raven always has her hair up.
Me: Oh, and isn't her hair longer than mine?
T: Yeah.
So why did I point out these particular points of the conversation? Well, this shows just how much skin color doesn't matter to this child. I kept telling her that I was white and therefore could not look like someone who is black because our skin color is so different (this was simply said to gauge what this child thought and not because it matters to me, because it doesn't really). However, this child did not see skin color as the deal breaker on whether I look like Raven or not. The hair is significant because my hair is different than hers. I was expecting her to say something about how the texture of Raven's and my hair is different. But nope, she didn't see it. It was amazing to see how a child who lives in a culture where the majority of people are the same race as her would not see the obvious differences between me, the white girl, and herself. The other reason it surprised me was because white kids would most likely tell me I didn't look like Raven because of my skin color. I know not all white kids would say this, but I have a feeling the majority would even if they didn't mean it in a mean way; skin color would be pointed out. So how come this child can't see the difference between my skin and hers, but many white children I've come into contact with would notice? I don't know.
Me: I don't look like Raven cause I'm too white, right?
T: No, but Raven is black.
Me: But that means I'm too white.
T: No.
Me: What are some differences between me and Raven?
(several differences were given)
T: Your hair is different.
Me: How is my hair different?
T: Well Raven always has her hair up.
Me: Oh, and isn't her hair longer than mine?
T: Yeah.
So why did I point out these particular points of the conversation? Well, this shows just how much skin color doesn't matter to this child. I kept telling her that I was white and therefore could not look like someone who is black because our skin color is so different (this was simply said to gauge what this child thought and not because it matters to me, because it doesn't really). However, this child did not see skin color as the deal breaker on whether I look like Raven or not. The hair is significant because my hair is different than hers. I was expecting her to say something about how the texture of Raven's and my hair is different. But nope, she didn't see it. It was amazing to see how a child who lives in a culture where the majority of people are the same race as her would not see the obvious differences between me, the white girl, and herself. The other reason it surprised me was because white kids would most likely tell me I didn't look like Raven because of my skin color. I know not all white kids would say this, but I have a feeling the majority would even if they didn't mean it in a mean way; skin color would be pointed out. So how come this child can't see the difference between my skin and hers, but many white children I've come into contact with would notice? I don't know.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Being the Minority is a Little Awkward Sometimes
Today during my placement, we had an assembly to celebrate Black History Month at the end of the day. My kids had been practicing the black national anthem for a couple weeks and I was excited to see them perform. Being in a city school, I sometimes feel a little awkward being the minority amongst the students and staff. I don't have any judgments about them, but sometimes I wonder if there's a stereotype that I am judged off of from the older students and parents. You can tell who really doesn't care that I'm white and who does. If I walk in the school and smile at one of the parents or staff members I see and they smile back or say hi, you know they could really care less what color I am. But then there are those who pretend like I'm not even there; that's always a little awkward. Anyway I'm getting away from my story. I am a little embarrassed to say that I did not know there was such a thing as a black national anthem until two weeks ago, so for all of you that don't know as well, there is. haha! It's a very nice song actually and it has a catchy tune. So when my kids went up and started singing their anthem, I started singing it softly with them from the audience like many of the other parents/teachers/students that were there watching. And then the realization came to me, I won't ever be able to sing that song with the same enthusiasm and passion as those parents were. Suddenly I felt really awkward being white. I felt like I didn't belong and couldn't relate to many of the others in the room. I wondered what the parents thought of me, a little white girl, singing their national anthem and I became conscious of how weird I might seem to them. The feeling of not deserving to share with them in their singing crossed my mind. Now, I don't treat others of different colors any different then I treat people who are the same color as me; at least I try. Given, I feel like I sometimes have to be very careful what I say around certain races so as not to offend anyone by making a comment that could be taken the wrong way, but I don't think of anyone differently because of their color. I don't know if I'm making sense or not, but it just felt awkward for me during the assembly simply because I was the minority and I couldn't share in the feelings of those around me in the same way. Well anyway, the kids sang wonderfully and I loved watching them.
On a side note, most of them have really warmed up to me and are not afraid to come for a hug. This really makes me happy cause they don't get a lot of positive physical touch from teachers, and I am more than happy to give them this show of love. Even some of the boys will come for a hug when I come into the classroom. I would say the only child that seems really unsure of me is the one white child. haha! Although my kids may need a little E.G.R. (Extra Grace Required - "credit to Holly Ritchie") I love them very dearly no matter how I may complain sometimes about the frustrating attitudes.
On a side note, most of them have really warmed up to me and are not afraid to come for a hug. This really makes me happy cause they don't get a lot of positive physical touch from teachers, and I am more than happy to give them this show of love. Even some of the boys will come for a hug when I come into the classroom. I would say the only child that seems really unsure of me is the one white child. haha! Although my kids may need a little E.G.R. (Extra Grace Required - "credit to Holly Ritchie") I love them very dearly no matter how I may complain sometimes about the frustrating attitudes.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Uncalled For
Since I've started my field placement this semester I've been thinking a lot about how a teacher is perceived by the students. I'm finally completing my last placement and I am in the inner city again. It may sound weird, but I really like being in an inner city school. Although, I hate driving in the city. haha! Anyway, there are two teachers in my classroom of 1st graders. One of the teachers has given me this thought of how much do we affect children. All three times I've gone so far, this woman has torn apart at least one (if not three or four) children for something they didn't do perfectly or something they're having trouble with. I wonder if she saw herself on a camera and heard the way she sounds if she would continue to act and speak the same way. School is supposed to be somewhere these kids can come and feel secure and not judged. Instead, one kid gets balled out because he didn't cut something the right way and another one gets yelled at for answering a question honestly. I don't care whether a child is a troublemaker or someone who is frustrating a lot, no child deserves to be yelled at in front of the entire class for being "bad". Today, one particular child was having a really hard time sitting perfectly during the math lesson. So this teacher asked him if she was boring him. He was completely honest with his answer. He looked her in the face and said yes. She then proceeded to yell at him for giving an honest answer and told him several times how rude he was. Umm excuse me, but you asked him a question and he gave you an answer. If you didn't want to hear that you weren't keeping the attention of your 1st grade student, don't ask. It makes me wonder how I come off to kids and what messages I'm sending them. I certainly hope I'm not making them feel like they are a waste of my time and that they frustrate me all the time or that they're worthless. If I was one of those students that is exactly what I would feel from this teacher. It constantly reminds me that I need to watch my body language, the tone of voice I use and the words I choose. Just something to ponder.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
Confessions of a Single Girl
I've been thinking a lot lately about waiting for the perfect man. I've received several books about waiting and being virtuous during past Christmases. I have enjoyed reading each of those books, but there is something I've realized that each one has in common - they are all written by women who have dated a multitude of men and haven't found "him". The Chicken Soul books and ones similar to it are the same as well. Women who have dated again and again tell their readers how hard it has been and how hurt they have gotten. In no way am I demeaning that fact. I know that you get hurt every time a relationship ends, but what about the girls who have never dated and are struggling with that as well as waiting. I am and have been one such girl. I have not dated anyone or had a boyfriend my entire life. Reading the books about virtuosity and waiting were nice, interesting, and encouraging a little but they didn't really help me with my own situation. I know there are probably more girls out there who have dated many guys than those who haven't dated at all. For all those girls who are in their 20's and never dated, this is for you.
I have been told on numerous occasions by a couple people that I am better off not having my heart broken over and over again by old boyfriends. I feel as though it is assumed that I suffer less and am hurt less because I have never dated. Well guess what, that isn't true. Since I was 5 I have wanted to marry. In fact my life goal at one point was to be a wife and a mother; not college or a certain career, haha. Even though I have not dated yet, a similar hurt that is there when you end a relationship has been with me. On numerous occasions throughout my life I have been interested in different guys; since about kindergarten. I don't really remember times in my childhood (before 17 or 18) where I didn't consistently have a crush on someone. I desired love in the worst way. The crushes that I had were not simply a one week or month kind of thing either, when I had a crush it was for a long time. The longest crush I had on a guy was for 6 years. Each time I kept hoping and praying that they would love me in return. Just as a girl gives her heart away to her boyfriend when they are in that relationship, so did I. It wasn't something I meant to do or even realized I did while I was in the situation, but I realize it now. I would hope continually that my crush would like me back and tell me. I would walk in denial, convincing myself that the person was really madly in love with me and it would just take time for him tell me. It's crazy I know, but when you are desperate for something, being realistic doesn't really happen. Emotions take over and it's hard to convince the heart what the head knows to be true. At one point or another I would have to face the hard fact that the affection I had for the other person was not and would never be returned. Even though I was not in a relationship with that person, it was like I was going through a break up. The feelings of rejection and heartbreak were there and very real. I won't pretend I know what going through a break up with a boyfriend is, but based off of what I've seen with friends and heard from others I can pretty much guess what I felt was pretty similar.
I woke up one day and realized how much I was hurting myself by putting myself through these situations. It was all by my own doing. I was lowering my standards for any guy that would show the least bit of interest, and many of the guys I liked I would not go for again because I know how it has hurt me. I have high, what I sometimes feel like are too high, standards for my future husband. They are Godly characteristics that I thought about in great detail over the years as I've grown. As I was thinking about these standards I realized that there is NO way I will ever be able to find the man for me on my own. God is the only one who can do it. Of course I've known this for a really long time, but knowing and "knowing" are two different things. Knowing is when you have knowledge of a fact in your head. But "knowing", is when you take that fact or piece of information and really believe it in your heart. (Sometimes it takes a while for this transition to occur.) Standards are something every girl should have. We each will differ in them, but we should all have them and refuse to back down for second best because we can't wait any longer. Easier said than done. Patience is a virtue, and a very hard one to attain; especially when you've waited years and years.
I don't want to act like I have it all set. I don't. I struggle with waiting all the time. Most of the time I'm ok with it, but sometimes I am not. I could say to every girl that is waiting for the right one that she just has to be patient and he will show up, but I know that frustrates me a lot when I hear it over and over again. It is true that he will come, eventually, but more important is how I need to go before God every day and give up the control of trying to find "him" on my own. I need to trust God to bring him to me (or me to him) in HIS OWN TIME. That's probably one of the hardest concepts - God's timing. We never know what it is or when He will do things. Sometimes it gets really frustrating because we want what we want when we want it. But no matter how much I a husband, I will always agree that if I wait for God , it will be sooooooo much more pleasurable and exciting and beautiful when it happens. Like jumping in a pool after you've worked all day outside in the hot sun. Yes, I probably will falter and make more mistakes. But God will always welcome me back into His timing and His plan. So if this is something you struggle with, take it before God. Ask a Goldy woman of your church to disciple you and be your spiritual authority. The change may not be instantaneous, but change will occur and it will slowly get easier. It's taken a long time for me to get where I am. (At one point I couldn't even talk to someone about this struggle and desire.) And I can't wait to see what God has in store for me over the next several years. I know it will be more than I can imagine.
Ps 130:5-6 "I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait, And in His word do I hope. My soul waits for the Lord More than the watchmen for the morning ; Indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning"
Is 34:16 "Seek from the book of the LORD, and read : Not one of these will be missing ; None will lack its mate. For His mouth has commanded, And His Spirit has gathered them."
1 Cor. 7: 34-36 "The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit ; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband.This I say for your own benefit ; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord. But if any man thinks that he is acting unbecomingly toward his virgin daughter, if she is past her youth, and if it must be so, let him do what he wishes, he does not sin ; let her marry.
Seek diligently after the Lord while single, and He will provide for you a spouse.
"Knowledge without expectancy leads to dead religion."
I have been told on numerous occasions by a couple people that I am better off not having my heart broken over and over again by old boyfriends. I feel as though it is assumed that I suffer less and am hurt less because I have never dated. Well guess what, that isn't true. Since I was 5 I have wanted to marry. In fact my life goal at one point was to be a wife and a mother; not college or a certain career, haha. Even though I have not dated yet, a similar hurt that is there when you end a relationship has been with me. On numerous occasions throughout my life I have been interested in different guys; since about kindergarten. I don't really remember times in my childhood (before 17 or 18) where I didn't consistently have a crush on someone. I desired love in the worst way. The crushes that I had were not simply a one week or month kind of thing either, when I had a crush it was for a long time. The longest crush I had on a guy was for 6 years. Each time I kept hoping and praying that they would love me in return. Just as a girl gives her heart away to her boyfriend when they are in that relationship, so did I. It wasn't something I meant to do or even realized I did while I was in the situation, but I realize it now. I would hope continually that my crush would like me back and tell me. I would walk in denial, convincing myself that the person was really madly in love with me and it would just take time for him tell me. It's crazy I know, but when you are desperate for something, being realistic doesn't really happen. Emotions take over and it's hard to convince the heart what the head knows to be true. At one point or another I would have to face the hard fact that the affection I had for the other person was not and would never be returned. Even though I was not in a relationship with that person, it was like I was going through a break up. The feelings of rejection and heartbreak were there and very real. I won't pretend I know what going through a break up with a boyfriend is, but based off of what I've seen with friends and heard from others I can pretty much guess what I felt was pretty similar.
I woke up one day and realized how much I was hurting myself by putting myself through these situations. It was all by my own doing. I was lowering my standards for any guy that would show the least bit of interest, and many of the guys I liked I would not go for again because I know how it has hurt me. I have high, what I sometimes feel like are too high, standards for my future husband. They are Godly characteristics that I thought about in great detail over the years as I've grown. As I was thinking about these standards I realized that there is NO way I will ever be able to find the man for me on my own. God is the only one who can do it. Of course I've known this for a really long time, but knowing and "knowing" are two different things. Knowing is when you have knowledge of a fact in your head. But "knowing", is when you take that fact or piece of information and really believe it in your heart. (Sometimes it takes a while for this transition to occur.) Standards are something every girl should have. We each will differ in them, but we should all have them and refuse to back down for second best because we can't wait any longer. Easier said than done. Patience is a virtue, and a very hard one to attain; especially when you've waited years and years.
I don't want to act like I have it all set. I don't. I struggle with waiting all the time. Most of the time I'm ok with it, but sometimes I am not. I could say to every girl that is waiting for the right one that she just has to be patient and he will show up, but I know that frustrates me a lot when I hear it over and over again. It is true that he will come, eventually, but more important is how I need to go before God every day and give up the control of trying to find "him" on my own. I need to trust God to bring him to me (or me to him) in HIS OWN TIME. That's probably one of the hardest concepts - God's timing. We never know what it is or when He will do things. Sometimes it gets really frustrating because we want what we want when we want it. But no matter how much I a husband, I will always agree that if I wait for God , it will be sooooooo much more pleasurable and exciting and beautiful when it happens. Like jumping in a pool after you've worked all day outside in the hot sun. Yes, I probably will falter and make more mistakes. But God will always welcome me back into His timing and His plan. So if this is something you struggle with, take it before God. Ask a Goldy woman of your church to disciple you and be your spiritual authority. The change may not be instantaneous, but change will occur and it will slowly get easier. It's taken a long time for me to get where I am. (At one point I couldn't even talk to someone about this struggle and desire.) And I can't wait to see what God has in store for me over the next several years. I know it will be more than I can imagine.
Ps 130:5-6 "I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait, And in His word do I hope. My soul waits for the Lord More than the watchmen for the morning ; Indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning"
for the LORD
soul
Is 34:16 "Seek from the book of the LORD, and read : Not one of these will be missing ; None will lack its mate. For His mouth has commanded, And His Spirit has gathered them."
1 Cor. 7: 34-36 "The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit ; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband.This I say for your own benefit ; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord. But if any man thinks that he is acting unbecomingly toward his virgin daughter, if she is past her youth, and if it must be so, let him do what he wishes, he does not sin ; let her marry.
Seek diligently after the Lord while single, and He will provide for you a spouse.
"Knowledge without expectancy leads to dead religion."
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