Sunday, May 17, 2009

How Much of a Sap am I?

I've never been to a graduation before. In high school I was mostly home schooled and so I got my GED instead of graduating (a decision I regret). When I was in high school I didn't have any true friends from my town (partly from my own fault). You just don't make those important connections as well with people in high school. I've heard countless stories of girls who had several best friends all throughout their high school, where they told each other everything and spent every moment they could together. But when they got to college, their ways split and the friendship that seemed to be so strong, completely broke apart. People grow up and change so much when in college. Friendships that are made usually stay true and strong even when you part ways at graduation.

Saturday was the first graduation I have ever witnessed. Sitting on the bleachers in the heat and blazing UV rays I watched most of the people I've made connections with over the last two years walk onto a stage and receive the 'diploma' they've worked so hard for (some more than others)the last four years of their lives. It was touching and moving, and at one point I wasn't sure I would be able to stop the tears that were threatening to come back. Call me a sap, but the love and pride I felt watching my friends walk across that stage really affected me.

There was a mixture of happiness and sadness. Happiness because they've finally reached the end (for many) of their educational career. And even if they don't know what they're going to do in life, I know they will affect each and every person they come in contact with whether they realize that themselves or not. Each one of those people has something special and important about them that no one else has. But sadness because they are leaving and going on with their lives. No longer will I be able to see them every day on campus or get together with them and have lunch in the dining hall. Some of the friendships I know will stay strong, and others I wish I had more time to strengthen the bond between us.

Then something hit me - I am going to be where they are in exactly one year. I will be the one sitting on the edge of my seat waiting in excitement and anticipation for the speakers to get on with their speeches so that I can have my two seconds of fame as I walk up that stage and receive what I have been working so hard at; the end of the tunnel. It's so close it's scary. I started thinking about who I would sit with, if I would have anyone to sit with, if people would clap for me as I walked up, would I have as much fun as it appears everyone else is having, would i be an emotional wreck. And all of this went through my head in like three seconds. The biggest question - would I even be able to find a job.

It was a wonderful ceremony, except the old lady who talked about the Soviet Union and the Arab nation. (Don't now what that had to do with the graduates. She didn't say what the connection was. lol!) The rain held off and the speeches were heartfelt and short. I had every intention of going to the reception afterwards and trying (I say trying because there were thousands of people there) to find all my friends and congratulate them. As I left the bleachers and started walking towards the Tuttle North gym, I couldn't do it. I was literally going to ball my eyes out if I said good-bye to the graduates I knew. My heart was overwhelmed with so many emotions and I didn't want to cry in front of everyone, so I turned and walked away from the gym as the tears ran down my face hoping that no one would notice. I mean, who cries at a graduation? Really. Apparently I do. Haha! And I'm ok with that as long as no one sees =D. Oh dear, what will I be like during MY graduation?

1 comment:

Above all else: Love said...

almost everyone I know cries. People were hysterical at my highschool one